January 3, 2019

This week.  The first week of the new year.  It's tough to take anything seriously this week especially with the wonky work schedule...  So I decided to sleep in a little bit and skip the chores this morning.  I have tomorrow off and my goal is to complete the to-do list that I've carried over from December...  in addition to giving the house a quick once-over and getting all the laundry done, so I figured that since I have to open and have a long day ahead of me...  I'd go ahead and "treat" myself.

Treat myself to a private concert.

So the spouse has insomnia and sleep apnea but doesn't use the Cpap because he has trouble falling asleep and the issue is compounded by wearing the mask so he doesn't snore...  because he's not sleeping at all.
So he forgoes the mask and if I get woken up for some reason...  cat, alarm, his phone, my bladder...  I will frequently not be able to get back to sleep or if I do get back to sleep REM sleep is unattainable.  I get particularly pissed off when it's his phone that wakes me up as I am adamantly opposed to sleeping with those things in the same room as my unconscious body...  but it's his alarm so...  yeah.

So he sleeps and the whole house goes quiet and nobody dares disturb him.
I sleep and nobody shuts up.
He takes a nap and the whole house goes quiet, or we leave, and nobody dares disturb him.
I take a nap and get woken up ten minutes in, can't go back to sleep and when I get up I'm more pissed off and tired than I was when I lay down.

But when I complain about my lack of sleep, early waking, etc...  well at least he's getting his sleep!

The double standard that is applied subconsciously to it all...  as long as the man is getting what he needs the woman is fine. 
Uh.
No.
I've been standing up for myself, pointing out the discrepancies and essentially shouting out to the world that I see exactly what is going on.  Nothing else, just that I see it.

Funny how differently people treat you when you make it abundantly clear that you SEE WHAT IS GOING ON.

You don't have the threaten, you don't have to ask, you don't have to do anything except make it aware that you are neither blind nor stupid and people suddenly change the way they treat you and it's almost fucking scary.

Whether they are doing it on purpose or not the simple fact that you make them aware that you know what is going on changes the way they treat you and it is really weird.

Open the mouth, make the statements, give the pointed looks, don't let go, shake it like a terrier.  Not complaining, not asking for change, nothing but statement of facts.
Then I disappeared from work for a week and when I came back it was like a light bulb had gone off over everyone's heads and lo and behold what a fucking pleasure I've been to work with.

Kind of amazing what people do when you pull your head out of your ego and listen to them.
You have a lot of good ideas but so do other people and sometimes two good ideas make a brilliant one. 
Or a terrible mistake.
But we'll talk about that another time.
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