Yesterday was a fucking joke. It all started when my irregular and impossible to track period decided to pay me a visit.
You see boys and girls, the joys of perimenopause means that I went from so damn predictable that the calendar people would call me to make sure they have their days right... to... it could be anywhere from 21-30 days in between and the whole ordeal could take anywhere from 3-7 days instead of 5. Then... there's the possibility that I could have another one a week later.
So that hit first thing in the morning with cramps designed to cripple me and hormones to fuck up my already fucked up attitude.
I legitimately tore into my kid about being a lazy fuckhead twice in an hour.
TWICE.
Not saying he didn't deserve it... because he did... but I could have handled the entire thing with much more grace than I did... but when you have rampaging hormones and feel like someone is riding a steam roller over your guts from inside your body... not to mention the whole "kidneys feel like they're gonna fly out my back and kill someone" and the muscles in my legs not relaxing... and has anyone ever told you that their menstrual cramps feel like labor? Cause mine do. Same fucking sensation I dealt with when I had the boy... only difference is there's no an anesthesiologist around to numb my ass up.
All this on top of the dental appointment it took 45 minutes to get to... only to find an empty dental office with locked doors and a 23minute wait later they finally showed up 13 minutes past my appointment time. The entire staff had gone out to lunch together... and left no one behind to man the phones, let people in, etc... I guess transferring the phones to the doctor's cell is certainly something you can do... but when someone is already having a Murphy's Law kind of day, has to drive 45 minutes to see you and will be going home in rush hour traffic... you might want to be on time.
Profuse apologies don't work for me. Apologize once and then don't do it again. The tenth time you apologize for something... I'm not listening anymore. You've already proven that you don't care... Problem? Love my dentist, love the staff... hate the way she runs her business. Receptionist will call every 45-120 minutes the day before your appointment. They will do this until you answer or return their call to confirm that you will actually be at your appointment. There's no "call us if you can't make it" and the assumption that you'll be there. It's a constant barrage of annoyance and I inevitably have to work the day before... so no good. Also... the commute. Three cities over when I have dentists close enough to walk to. I have to find a new one... and I don't want to but I can't do that again.
Yesterday kept going wrong. To the point where even the boy noticed it. I could not catch a break and that made two solid shit head fuck you days.
Today I work from 11am to 8pm and I work with the same fucking assholes that I worked with on Wednesday. I'm pretty confident that Useless will either be at the other clinic (to keep her away from me), that she'll have called in "because she needs to study" or she'll leave early... same excuse.
I suppose calling in and saying, "I need to bake. The only thing in the world I want to do is make my fucking Christmas cookies. Nobody will let me. I've spent 12 days trying and 12 days being denied. I'd also like to put some fucking ornaments on my tree, which I also seem unable to do. So I won't be at work today." I suppose that would be a kind of fucked up thing to do... the day before my office manager gets married... so I know he'll leave early today... but I want to do it soooo bad... so bad.
Yesterday's nonsense left me with quite a bit to do this morning, but it's all manageable and I'll deal with it after my walk... and may call/text the OM and inform him that I may be late because I have things I need to catch up on as coming in to work sorely behind every single day is bullshit.
Wednesday, December 13, 2017
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
FML
When someone is covering a shift, working on their day off... it's common courtesy to give them the option to go home early if such a thing becomes possible... especially if they're not getting another day off during the week to make up for it... What's rude as fuck is to try to get the entire day off... you already have someone working their day off for another co-worker... so now you gonna try to get the day off? Finangle a half day? Fuck you. Useless fucking new girl came in for less than 40 minutes and that I will never understand because she drove an hour to get there. In rush hour traffic. Then again, this is the girl who has to to be told repeatedly to take her fucking lunch because working until an hour before your shift ends isn't the same thing and is, in act, illegal.
I can not tell you how many times I've sat her down, showed her the schedule and informed her that because she was late for her lunch, I had to take a short lunch to ensure everyone was on staff when the appointments started back up... and while everyone else got an hour or more for their lunch... I got 45 minutes because she felt folding the laundry and wrapping packs was more important. She always apologizes, and then does the same shit the following week... so I keep getting short lunches and everyone wonders why I'm pissed off...
So I'm working my day off... and I'm coming in an hour early to open the clinic... and Useless gets to work, proceeds to get in my way, annoy the fuck out of me and make me repeat myself because she couldn't get the concept of the simple tasks I was asking her to complete... those tasks that are her job... those things that relate to the clients and patients who are in the building at that moment... not the fuckers who are coming in the next day... she was overly concerned with pulling charts for the next day... and we had a solid block of appointments from 9-10... and she comes in at 9 and starts worrying about something that is A: not her job and B: not something that needs to be worried about at 9am.
If I have appointments to check in, a phone to answer, and people to charge out... why are you standing in the receptionist area working on something that isn't even necessary until tomorrow... you are the technician and need to be in the back helping the doctor not up here getting in my way. I snapped at her - more than once - for getting in my way.
I swear to the gods if I hear the words "I can do that." one more fucking time I will punch in her gods damned teeth. I'm halfway through a sink of dirty dishes and up to my elbows in soapy water when she walks past with an armload of charts and says, "Oh, I can do that!" and smiles at me like she's doing me a fucking favor... while hovering over me as though waiting for me to stop so she can come take over... even though she has an armload of charts... I scowl and tell her to finish what she's doing. I scowl and tell her that I can finish the job I started. I scowl and tell her three other things that need to be taken care of that nobody is actively doing at the time... and when I finish the dishes she's sitting in the break room "having a break" but none of the other tasks are completed, or even started... because she doesn't like doing those things... I can not tell you how many times I have walked away to get something, to answer a phone... and return to find her finishing the things I start... yet tasks she dislikes never get completed unless I myself do them... so every bottle of alcohol, cleaning solution, peroxide and hand soap hits empty since nobody will fill them but me... and I not only let them get empty to make a point, but I ask her twice a week to fill them up and she always takes a break right after I do.
She will go to wherever the task she most wishes to complete is. If she wants to charge people out she will go up front - even though she is scheduled to work in the back and we have someone scheduled to work up front. If it's not the office manager up front... she will just push and nose her way into the receptionist area and not listen to you when you tell her to stop. She says, "I'm just trying to be helpful!"
In the meantime... the work she is supposed to be doing is not being done and you can't do your job because she is getting in your way... and she's apologetic and smiling but doesn't go back and do the stuff she's supposed to be doing... she stays up front and does the stuff she wants to do. So then you're in back doing the stuff she's supposed to be doing... and then her ineptitude and incomplete training result in a mistake-or she's faced with something she doesn't know how to deal with... and you're fixing everything she fucked up... because she never asks for assistance, she just moves forward like she knows what she's doing and she doesn't listen so if you do happen to be there she'll fuck it up while you're standing next to her telling her to stop, no, don't do that...
Best part of all of this is... I can not continue to be nice to her if she won't listen, won't learn and keeps doing the same shit and making the same mistakes... and I'm gonna be mean, and I'm gonna snap... and she's gonna cry and go running to the OM and then he's gonna have to talk to me about my attitude and then I'm just gonna get more pissed off because I have talked to him about this, and talked to him about this, and talked to him about this...
But WTF ever because that son of a bitch (no offense I really do love his mother she's awesome) came in two-and-a-half hours late... took an hour-and-a-half long lunch... and then left early... leaving me to work a 9+ hour shift on my day off - most of it alone as the people who are actually scheduled to work that day managed to finangle most of it off.
Today I have to go to the dentist.
In an hour and ten minutes I have to get my kid...
My husband has been turning his alarm off... untreated sleep apnea can really fuck with your sleep patterns... and your spouse's sleep patterns... which is awesome because nothing will make someone fucking hate your god damned guts more than the person whose sleep you fuck with every single fucking day... and I'm about to either stop sleeping in the bed and use the fucking recliner in my office as a chair... which will do wonders for all the joint and nerve issues I have... just fucking wonders... or I'm gonna buy my son a bigger bed and move his bed into my office so I have somewhere to sleep... where I can actually fucking sleep... the whole fucking night...
And I'm going to get about a half an hour of alone time today.
That's it.
A half an hour.
Because my fucking husband can not get out of bed.
Because I have to pick my kid up early so we can go to the dentist.
Because I have to work all week.
I should get my normal days next week... but after that it's no alone time outside of my commute until mid-January... and when I stop and think about that... and consider the horrific cramps I'm currently experiencing... I just can't fucking keep fucking doing this.
My husband has to step the fuck up.
He has to do something about the sleep apnea so we both sleep better so I don't wake up every morning fantasizing about smothering him with a pillow... so that he can get up and get to work at a reasonable time instead of putting me in a position where I waste half my day waiting for him to get out of bed.
The resentment is strong.
The resentment becomes outright hatred.
It's cyclic.
But seriously.
I'm almost in loathing mode again.
Don't do a god damned thing to help out around the house without making it seem like you're conquering Everest. Eat twice as much food as you need to so I get screwed out of a lunch this week (hey-that's why I make four portions of things, not so you can eat for two)... keep in mind I cannot afford to eat out every day like you do... I eat out for lunch once or twice a month. Maybe. If I'm lucky.
Regardless... you're eating two portions... you're not working out... your fucking shirts do not fit and you walk around with an inch or two of exposed belly yet continue to insist that you wear a size large t-shirt... but you're gonna lose weight sitting on the couch playing phone games, watching sports and eating twice as much as everyone else in the household. Yes. I see your master plan. You will simply explode.
I can not tell you how many times I've sat her down, showed her the schedule and informed her that because she was late for her lunch, I had to take a short lunch to ensure everyone was on staff when the appointments started back up... and while everyone else got an hour or more for their lunch... I got 45 minutes because she felt folding the laundry and wrapping packs was more important. She always apologizes, and then does the same shit the following week... so I keep getting short lunches and everyone wonders why I'm pissed off...
So I'm working my day off... and I'm coming in an hour early to open the clinic... and Useless gets to work, proceeds to get in my way, annoy the fuck out of me and make me repeat myself because she couldn't get the concept of the simple tasks I was asking her to complete... those tasks that are her job... those things that relate to the clients and patients who are in the building at that moment... not the fuckers who are coming in the next day... she was overly concerned with pulling charts for the next day... and we had a solid block of appointments from 9-10... and she comes in at 9 and starts worrying about something that is A: not her job and B: not something that needs to be worried about at 9am.
If I have appointments to check in, a phone to answer, and people to charge out... why are you standing in the receptionist area working on something that isn't even necessary until tomorrow... you are the technician and need to be in the back helping the doctor not up here getting in my way. I snapped at her - more than once - for getting in my way.
I swear to the gods if I hear the words "I can do that." one more fucking time I will punch in her gods damned teeth. I'm halfway through a sink of dirty dishes and up to my elbows in soapy water when she walks past with an armload of charts and says, "Oh, I can do that!" and smiles at me like she's doing me a fucking favor... while hovering over me as though waiting for me to stop so she can come take over... even though she has an armload of charts... I scowl and tell her to finish what she's doing. I scowl and tell her that I can finish the job I started. I scowl and tell her three other things that need to be taken care of that nobody is actively doing at the time... and when I finish the dishes she's sitting in the break room "having a break" but none of the other tasks are completed, or even started... because she doesn't like doing those things... I can not tell you how many times I have walked away to get something, to answer a phone... and return to find her finishing the things I start... yet tasks she dislikes never get completed unless I myself do them... so every bottle of alcohol, cleaning solution, peroxide and hand soap hits empty since nobody will fill them but me... and I not only let them get empty to make a point, but I ask her twice a week to fill them up and she always takes a break right after I do.
She will go to wherever the task she most wishes to complete is. If she wants to charge people out she will go up front - even though she is scheduled to work in the back and we have someone scheduled to work up front. If it's not the office manager up front... she will just push and nose her way into the receptionist area and not listen to you when you tell her to stop. She says, "I'm just trying to be helpful!"
In the meantime... the work she is supposed to be doing is not being done and you can't do your job because she is getting in your way... and she's apologetic and smiling but doesn't go back and do the stuff she's supposed to be doing... she stays up front and does the stuff she wants to do. So then you're in back doing the stuff she's supposed to be doing... and then her ineptitude and incomplete training result in a mistake-or she's faced with something she doesn't know how to deal with... and you're fixing everything she fucked up... because she never asks for assistance, she just moves forward like she knows what she's doing and she doesn't listen so if you do happen to be there she'll fuck it up while you're standing next to her telling her to stop, no, don't do that...
Best part of all of this is... I can not continue to be nice to her if she won't listen, won't learn and keeps doing the same shit and making the same mistakes... and I'm gonna be mean, and I'm gonna snap... and she's gonna cry and go running to the OM and then he's gonna have to talk to me about my attitude and then I'm just gonna get more pissed off because I have talked to him about this, and talked to him about this, and talked to him about this...
But WTF ever because that son of a bitch (no offense I really do love his mother she's awesome) came in two-and-a-half hours late... took an hour-and-a-half long lunch... and then left early... leaving me to work a 9+ hour shift on my day off - most of it alone as the people who are actually scheduled to work that day managed to finangle most of it off.
Today I have to go to the dentist.
In an hour and ten minutes I have to get my kid...
My husband has been turning his alarm off... untreated sleep apnea can really fuck with your sleep patterns... and your spouse's sleep patterns... which is awesome because nothing will make someone fucking hate your god damned guts more than the person whose sleep you fuck with every single fucking day... and I'm about to either stop sleeping in the bed and use the fucking recliner in my office as a chair... which will do wonders for all the joint and nerve issues I have... just fucking wonders... or I'm gonna buy my son a bigger bed and move his bed into my office so I have somewhere to sleep... where I can actually fucking sleep... the whole fucking night...
And I'm going to get about a half an hour of alone time today.
That's it.
A half an hour.
Because my fucking husband can not get out of bed.
Because I have to pick my kid up early so we can go to the dentist.
Because I have to work all week.
I should get my normal days next week... but after that it's no alone time outside of my commute until mid-January... and when I stop and think about that... and consider the horrific cramps I'm currently experiencing... I just can't fucking keep fucking doing this.
My husband has to step the fuck up.
He has to do something about the sleep apnea so we both sleep better so I don't wake up every morning fantasizing about smothering him with a pillow... so that he can get up and get to work at a reasonable time instead of putting me in a position where I waste half my day waiting for him to get out of bed.
The resentment is strong.
The resentment becomes outright hatred.
It's cyclic.
But seriously.
I'm almost in loathing mode again.
Don't do a god damned thing to help out around the house without making it seem like you're conquering Everest. Eat twice as much food as you need to so I get screwed out of a lunch this week (hey-that's why I make four portions of things, not so you can eat for two)... keep in mind I cannot afford to eat out every day like you do... I eat out for lunch once or twice a month. Maybe. If I'm lucky.
Regardless... you're eating two portions... you're not working out... your fucking shirts do not fit and you walk around with an inch or two of exposed belly yet continue to insist that you wear a size large t-shirt... but you're gonna lose weight sitting on the couch playing phone games, watching sports and eating twice as much as everyone else in the household. Yes. I see your master plan. You will simply explode.
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