The ultimate goal is to find... or more accurately, make, time to sit down and write shit out every morning. The only reason I have time today is that I am working the late shift and the boy is on break. I'm slowly setting back the time I wake up every morning - six days a week for 21 days in a row and then I wake up five minutes earlier. My goal is to have enough time to complete my chores and have 20 minutes to write, before I wake up the boy. I'm optimistic that my current success on waking up earlier coupled with my new work schedule will make this easier... more organic an addition to my day.
Therapeutically speaking it will be good for me because the morning is when so much of my deep thinking occurs.
This week things are rough and out of sorts on a number of levels. My work schedule is a combination of the old and the "she needs a day off" and the boy has no school, the spouse actually has to go into the office today for a bit which is odd because for the last few years he's also had a two week break... but they're moving some of the offices around and "losing" a floor in the building so who knows how much is work and how much is the logistics of figuring out where to put his stuff.
I've managed most of the chores, have gotten the crock pot going with tonight's dinner and have added a few things to my to-do. My goal on Friday - the day off I get this week - is to wipe out that list. I'm trying not to add anything to it, but a few things do need to be put down in writing or they'll get forgotten and the inconvenience will be to others than just myself.
I have $100 burning a hole in my pocket.
I got some Christmas checks and gift cards and have been wisely using those on things for myself and the family/household... but now I have an "extra" $100 and I feel that I need to buy something that's just for me... but I'm not sure what. I've used the gift cards to purchase items I wanted and needed and I am building up a shopping cart of CD's to get with a chunk of Christmas money and I have the work bonus earmarked for "cat stuff" and what's left of that will go towards purchasing one or two cat trees... but I feel like I need to get myself something I want... and also need... but I'm not sure what that is. I want immediate gratification-so I don't want to order anything... but I'm limited in my mobility/ability to go shopping for a few days and I'm slightly terrified that I'll spend it on crap at 7/11 instead of eating whatever food I brought for myself.
I have so many goals over the next few months that I'm incredibly grateful I was able to cut my days down from 4 to 3. I feel bad celebrating with my friends who are struggling on 5-6 days of work and barely able to make ends meet but... we all recognize that our lives are different and don't begrudge each other our moments of joy. We help each other where we can and I have friends who are more concerned with my mental health and general contentment with life than with the fact that I can afford to sit at home and focus on me while they work two jobs just to keep their shitty apartments. I also have friends who are better off than I am who celebrate the things that are unattainable to me... but I share their joy. So it goes full circle.
It's time to focus on work. To leave my personal desires, goals and needs to the side while I go pretend to be overjoyed to be working the late shift with an idiot doctor and an asshole office manager. But hopefully the idiot will be tamed by the other tech who is accustomed to working with him and the asshole will be in "friend mode" and the day will go smoothly. After all, this is the last day the asshole or the idiot will have to work with me for the rest of the month so the least we can all do is be nice to each other and have a decent day.
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