How you perceive. Did you know that we all perceive the world differently? I know it seems like a "Duh" statement but honestly - fucking hear me out here.

If it's the kind of thing that doesn't bear repeating then why do people seem to have such a hard time with it?

Did you know that the police can interview four eyewitnesses and get four different descriptions of the perpetrator?

Did you know that two people can have the same experience and one can come away happy while the other is upset?

Did you know that many things come together over the course of our lives to shape our perception - and that how we see the world does chaenge over time?

You hear "tastes change" and that's true... that movie you hated in your 20's and love in your 30's is because your perception has changed-your view of the world is different... it goes the other way too. You loved a book in middle school but as an adult you think it's horrid trash. Perspective.

This is why empathy is so fucking important.

Because every single person sees and experiences the world differently we have to have a certain ability to see that.

We need to see other ways of seeing.

We need to comprehend other ways of perceiving an event.

Did you know that many things come together over the course of our lives to shape our perception - and that how we see the world does change over time? Stop flipping out when those expectations, emotions and reactions don't match your preconceived notion of them.

Don't get mad because someone doesn't respond the way you think they should.

This is you projecting. You are projecting yourself. When another person does not react to a given situation the way you would - or the way you want them to... this is not a reason for you to get mad. I do not fucking care if the person is your child, your spouse, or a stranger - you have no right.

So many times I have seen, or been a part of, arguments about how much someone "cares."

Do not tell someone how they feel.

Don't do it.

Never, ever.

I know you're -fill in emotion here-

Why are you -fill in emotion here-

Just no.

You are gunning for a fight.

Do not police other people's emotions.

Don't get upset if you perceive they are feeling a way other than you think they should be feeling.

Most importantly... do not judge their current feelings by their facial expression.

Do you know how many arguments I could have avoided in my life if people didn't think they understood every nuance of my face?

You want your own feelings and perceptions of the world to be heard, you want to feel validated?

So does everyone else... and the way to get that is not to force your viewpoint on other people and get angry when they toe the line of what you perceive as the acceptable reactions for their life... the way to feel validated in your experience is to help other people feel that way too.

I fucking hate the Fourth of July.

Last night the spouse said he just wanted a regular fourth of July... a normal Fourth.

I almost laughed hysterically.

I fucking hate the Fourth of July. Every single year his parents dictate what we do. They want to do something and we say no. Then the conversation dies as any attempt we make to come up with plans that are fun for everyone are disregarded. Everything is up in the air and there are no solid plans until the actual day of... and we end up doing the very thing that we didn't want to do because that's what they want...

This may be un-American of me and I know it's an unpopular opinion but I don't care - I don't care about fireworks. I could take them or leave them. Once you've seen one fireworks show you've seen them all. I'd rather fucking stay home.

I never force my view on anyone else. But almost every year I mention that I would like to stay home.

I see no point in going out to some deserted place to get a "good view" and mind you by the time the people I'm with head to the spot all the "good views" are taken by the people who have been sitting out in this field all day with their coolers and their umbrellas and their chairs... the people who have literally sat out for half the day to get a good view of some fucking sky explosions that will last 20-30 minutes. It's not new, there's nothing new about it. It's like getting together to watch the same episode of Friends every single year... and don't forget we're gonna play this same episode at ball games, amusement parks and some neighborhoods - FOR YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. It's the same half hour it was 35 years ago. When it's all over and it's time to go... there's a battle royale on the roads as everyone tries to get out of wherever they are so they can go home. Traffic is a standstill. Sitting in your car surrounded by cars and nobody is moving because we're all converging on one Stop Sign from three different directions and we all need to go the exact same way... you'll crawl 2 feet every minute and sit there in your car for twice as long as you sat there watching shit explode.

I would rather stay home. I have no desire to experience the panic that comes with sitting in a car that is essentially trapped on all sides. Even if I'm not driving the situation will spike my anxiety. To subject myself to that for something I do not even enjoy just seems... cruel. I mean... Come sit here and do this thing you don't want to do so that you can have a panic attack when it's over!!! WooHoo!!

But every year I wind up going to watch the fucking fireworks because for some reason the idea of me staying home while everyone else goes out is a horrible idea and nobody agrees with it. How can I not like fireworks.

The belief is that I don't want to be "inconvenienced."

Panic attacks are horribly inconvenient.

In 15 years I have gone to Fourth of July fireworks against my wishes 12 times.

Twice I got to sit them out and once I actually *wanted* to go because it was the boy's first time.

Twice in fifteen years I have gotten to sit out the fireworks... it was "allowed."

Yet every year it's "I know you don't like to do it, but."

I know you don't want to, I know you hate it... but. BUT. But what?

We want to spend time with you.

It will be fun.

Here's a fucking newsflash for you...

If you want to spend time with someone don't force them through guilt and manipulation to do things they don't want to do. That's not quality time, that's you being a fucking asshole and I guarantee that they will be pissed off, not have nearly as much fun as they would have had they come of their own free will, and they will hold that grudge for a very, very long time...

Never, ever tell someone "It will be fun!" if it's an experience which they have had before and are now stating they have no desire to repeat.

If I've never had fun at the petting zoo guilt tripping me to go to the petting zoo and telling me it's going to be a great time is all bullshit. It makes you look like a total asshole. Not only that... but when someone is made to do something they don't want to... they make it decidedly unfun for everyone else.

Being accused of "ruining it for everyone else" when forced to take part in an activity I expressly stated I had no interest in to begin with...