These last few days have been rough, interesting, stupid and... there have been moments of fun. I have tons I want to write about but of course I postponed actually writing until there wasn't enough time for me to actually write about anything meaningful.
We said goodbye to Number 3 three days ago and my heart is still breaking. We still start crying randomly, the other four cats are all off kilter and things are just not right around here. I'll start healing when I get his cremains back in five days. Fifteen years with that cat. I miss him so much, there's a huge hole...
The spouse infuriated me with the "it's okay when you do it but not when I do it" line - again. He has no idea how hypocritical it is. Especially when he uses it when I'm in the middle of telling him why it's different, or that it's really not the same thing at all. He doesn't listen to me, so I don't know why I try. Last night I learned that the only way to avoid issues when we're out walking somewhere is to let him get super far ahead of me, don't complain or even comment on it and just let it happen. I can't keep up and if I pull ahead because I see a good way through the crowd he -for some unknown reason- will not follow me at all. I've proven that I can break through crowds better than he can, but he has to lead the way or I leave him behind and he gets pissed off and sulks. However, if I get pissed off and sulk I'm being unreasonable. Lesson learned. Got it. No problem. I'll struggle and flail through crowds in a mad attempt to keep up with you and be super fucking happy about the fact that you pull so far ahead you can't see me, can't hear me and have no idea where I am. Never mind that I never get more than 10 feet ahead of you and am fully aware of where you are at all times - you have to be in front.
I'm exhausted but that's not new.
The house is a total wreck and I'm struggling to care.
It's totally time to go and I can't even remember the other things I wanted to mention.
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