I hate the fourth of july

Confession...  I hate the Fourth of July.
It's not the holiday itself, or what it stands for...  I have no problems with the fact that my country gained their independence from England and consider myself to be patriotic.  It's the fact that every single Fourth I get sidelined and forced to do things I don't want to do-and don't consider fun-because it's what my in-laws want to do.

I straight told my husband that I didn't want to do any of it, that I was upset that it had worked out in such a way that I had to do all of it and really wish that my feelings had been taken into consideration.  I did my best, had a few moments of fun, was not regretful when it was said and done...  but this morning I'm sitting here looking at the week I have ahead of me...  and after the last three days of   "I'm gonna do the- Never mind..." because no one else seemed to care about what I was doing, what I had to do, or what I had done...  so I'm looking at the week I have ahead and the few things that I have planned out or that I desire to do...  and I'm wondering how much of it is going to get fucked up in an effort to placate his mother, will get fucked up because he won't look at the calendar, or will get fucked up because nobody cared that I wanted to be included and went off without me.

I'm so tired of feeling ignored and sidelined in my own life...  while everyone sits around and calls me selfish because I want to spend my free time alone.  When I attempt to talk about it people tell me that it's part of having a family and part of being a parent...  but my child does not sideline me, he's often the only one who cares enough to find out what's wrong or to pull me into something and help me have fun.  Having a family does not mean bending over backwards to make your mother-in-law happy at the expense of your own sanity.

But it's go crazy trying to satisfy her every whim, or she makes my husband feel horrible because I don't want to do something, tells people that I'm not there because I hate her (not because I'm working, tired after working, or simply don't enjoy the event) and before I know it I'm inches from divorce and have to spend the next two years explaining to people that the time in question I had to work odd hours, or had a health issue that prevented me from attending the events.  I've had to do this.

So it's pick your battles...  last night I was putting on my shoes, I pulled my pants up over my knees, pulled my sock to my knee, pulled on the shoe and was proceeding to lace it.  My mother in law stared at my leg as though there were something horrific about it and asked me what was on my leg.  I told her, "My pants, my sock and my shoe."  She continued to stare, the look turning to one of horrified disgust, the look on her fact was deeply and incredibly insulting and she continued to ask me what was on my leg...  three or four times she asked, "What's on your leg?" and each time I (or my mother) told her, "Nothing - my sock, my shoe, my pants."  I got pissed and snapped at her.  She got pissed because we weren't answering her question.  She wasn't specifying color, location, she wasn't telling us what she was seeing and just kept asking me what was on my leg while staring at it like the flesh was melting from my bones.

My husband got mad at me because I snapped at his mother.
He paid no attention to the entire ordeal until he heard my tone change.
My mother had to jump to my defense while I walked out of the house.
It was fucking ridiculous.
All because my mother in law couldn't specify, "What is the white thing on your leg?"  or understand that when I said, "Nothing is on my leg except my sock, my shoe and my pants."  that the white thing she saw might be a fucking sock.

This kind of shit happens all the time and I'm always the one at fault and I'm always the one who gets scolded or bitched at for being mean.

FML