Uber productive yesterday, but even further behind on my reading. When all I wanted to do was sit down and play a stupid game while consuming an entire box of crackers... I sat down and watched my team lose, and worked on a craft project I desperately need to finish. I made actual, real progress. I slept well, I woke up well, my kid was a subtle shit and I called him on it... I called him on the whole "Not doing chores" as well, informing him that he earned no allowance last week because he didn't do shit.
If you don't work you don't get paid. Fact of life.
He's at daycare, we parted on a good note and I'm smoking a joint before work.
Responsible adult.
Speaking of work...
Lets just not.
Plans for the day consist of not sinking any deeper into this morass than I already have.
I spend four days at work getting more and more depressed with each moment that I'm there. The evenings I can at least peek my head above the swamp and relax... but then I wake up in the morning and the realization that I have to go to that place just drags me down. Being there weighs me down. Leaving there and I start to lighten up but I'm not able to pull myself completely out of it before I'm waking up the next morning starting the whole cycle over again. The weekends-three days though they may be-are not long enough to fully pull myself out of the slump. I know the solution is to find a new job and that is on the huge and incredibly long list of shit to do... but it's there, and it will happen. In the meantime I have all these responsibilities around the house and all these things that need to be done, that should be done, that have been half done for so long that actually finishing them may signify the end times... and that weighs on me... I need to quit my job and take a month off work... but then there's no guarantee that I'll find something in a timely fashion... and there's no guarantee that I won't have to spend the bulk of my time off looking for something. Then I think about cutting my hours, and then I think about how hard it is to stretch that paycheck as it is... and then I think about all the ways I waste money and how I could improve and then I get depressed and I overspend with "retail therapy" because that makes me feel better for a minute.
I know what I need to do.
I need to resist the dragon and not spend my money on frivolous crap because it makes me feel better. I need to use that money to buy the things I need in order to do the things I need to do. I need to work on the things that need to be done, because there is plenty that can be done without spending any money and I can let money build up.
I need to quit smoking cigarettes because I spend a fucking fortune on those. If I quit smoking I'll have more money for groceries, if I have more money for groceries I'll be happier all the way around. This is all easier said than done.
I'm a creature of habit - aren't we all? The normalcy of my schedule is constantly being fucked with due to vacations and this "something happening every month from February through June" is really starting to get on my nerves. I'm barely recovered from Disneyland when the spouse is absent for 2 weeks, now I'm starting to get back into the swing of things and next week we're leaving for 5 days... again. I'll barely recover from that before the convention starts and I'm driving all over the place, late nights, barely home, etc... etc... and less than two weeks later I'll be on a damn plane to the other side of the country.
Once we return from that nonsense it will be the height of summer. The house will be an oven and the in-laws will be in town demanding my time and criticizing my life.
I find myself already longing for fall... which is something that usually doesn't happen until July. I want all the trips behind me, the inlaws in Arizona where they belong and a steady schedule of spawn in school, everyone at work. I want the spousal unit's insomnia issues cleared up so that he's up and out of the fucking house earlier every morning so I can maximize my time.
My dreams for August.
In the meantime, I want to call in sick to work and spend the day puttering around in the yard... but it's fucking raining, and it's going to rain all day. So I guess I'll go to work... although it's probably going to be dead, and even though this means I can catch up on my reading it also means that I will be pissed due to the fact that I'm there when I have things I could be doing here at home...
Like sitting around playing stupid video games and eating that box of crackers...
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