Gross

I'm gross. The house is gross.  The cat is gross.
I need to take a shower.
I need to clean the house.
I need to figure out WTF is wrong with my cat and why he is flinging snot all over the damn house leaving my walls, my cupboard, my bathroom sinks, my TV, my couch and whatever else he gets his damn face next to...  including my own face...  covered in thick ropy disgusting - gross - snot.
Antibiotics - Antiviral - Antifungal - none of them worked.
Now it's a barrage of tests that will have to be run to figure out exactly what is going on and what medication to administer.
But that will stress him out and cause the whole snot factory to go into overdrive.
This is when he can barely breathe and we have to clean the snot off his face.  Including picking hardened boogers off his nose to clear the nasal passage.  As you can imagine this is not fun for anyone involved.
I'm so tired of it.  It has been going on for almost a year.  He's finally been off meds long enough for us be able to run labwork - having exhausted all the noninvasive options. 
He himself is filthy because he can't groom himself and also needs to be given a damn shower.
But it hasn't been hot enough but that one day last week when I was too busy and quite honestly forgot it needed to be done.
Another cat harasses him constantly and this has left the old snot cat in a place where he feels unsafe using the cat boxes.  They have a single entrance and he is trapped.  So he pisses and shits in the bathtub, the bathroom sink, on the floor in front of the back door, on the floor next to the bed, and yesterday he took a dump on the TV stand.
I'm so tired of the random shits.
I get so mad at him screaming at me for food from less than a foot away, while I'm brushing my teeth and he's staring at a full bowl of food...  that I'm second guessing my decision to give him special treatment and force him to stand up to the other cat.
He's an old, gross pain in the ass who is refusing to grow old gracefully and is instead appearing to spiral into dementia.  It's infuriating.
I'm so tired of everything being gross.
When I have the time to clean I don't want to.
I don't want to do anything.
I know that getting things done makes me feel better but I don't fucking care and I don't care that I don't care and I'm not particularly concerned about that and I'm not concerned that I'm not concerned.
This is more than just depression boys and girls.
Damn.